


Like. Um. Whatever

by MxPseudonym



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: She's making points, indulge in Sherlock getting an earful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26385970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxPseudonym/pseuds/MxPseudonym
Summary: or, In Defense of Smart As Hell Valley Girls--You have had enough of Sherlock picking apart your words.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & Reader, Sherlock Holmes/Reader, Sherlock Holmes/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 90





	Like. Um. Whatever

**Author's Note:**

> Credit 100% goes to Melissa Lozada-Olivia’s Like Totally Whatever Poem (a must watch) that was the seed and sprout of this idea.   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me4_QwmaNoQ

Sherlock didn’t eat while on cases because it slowed down the brain. Something you found dumb and not true, but sure, ok. That didn’t mean he didn’t get hangry, however.

It was just after 10:30 pm on a Thursday with all signs pointing to an all-nighter. As a graduate student and upstairs neighbor turned friend, you didn’t mind helping the famous detectives who lived below you. John was sweet, and Sherlock, though rough around the edges, could be one of the best people you knew. 

But not tonight.

“Hm, I think this address is something to check out, John. It’s interesting in um, an alarming way,” you said, leaning over to compare notes with the doctor. “See? It’s, like,”

“Y/n, do shut up with your bibble babble,” Sherlock interrupted you from across the room. You and John looked up from your places at the kitchen table in equal surprise. 

“Excuse me,” you stammered, mind racing, trying to figure out what you’d said. Sherlock didn’t even look up from his laptop in the living room as he let his sharp tongue go on. 

“We have a case to solve, no time to impersonate valley girls as they’re called.”

“Sherlock!” John scolded his friend, but that wasn’t quite enough. It was this again. His nitpicking at every sentence you uttered almost became a pastime when you all worked late into the night. You supposed you were starting early that day. 

“And what’s wrong with valley girls anyway, Sherlock?” You asked, your rising blood pressure evident in your voice.

“Between already being vapid little things, the speech disfluency, also known as "and she was like, um, whatever,” is increasingly grating on the ears and the thinking mind,“ he said. He was so nonchalant as he picked up a folder.

"Just because people use "like” and “um” doesn’t mean they’re dull,“ you argued. It was just like him to dismiss people on such a thing. 

"It’s the tools of small-minded people I have no time for.”

“Sherlock,” John tried to stop the man again.

“If it’s in trend for women, by all means, do it somewhere to not derail the progress,” Sherlock concluded and took a sip of tea. You’d never seen red so vividly as you stood. 

“You know what?” You stepped closer to Sherlock and snatched the file away from him. He looked at you, irritated and expectant.

“What?”

“I’m happy to use my limited brain cells on you, Sherl. I was just thinking _like_ , the bad guy didn’t have to break in because he probably already knew the victim _or something_. What if, _um_ , they weren’t quite friends but more than acquaintances? Like maybe a Tinder date or whatever? And _like, um, maybe_ she was someone who was extra careful the way women have to be and like, she probably told her BFF everything about him including his address and a picture. 

"So I guess maybe you should, _like_ , ask John to retrieve the jaws of life and remove your hard head from its current placement deep up your arse. Because while you’re sitting here, high and mighty, wanking off to the idea that you’re so much better than yet another group of people who I would actually rather be around right now, you should be looking for a cell phone. You should be looking for her friends. _Like. Um. Whatever._ Does that make sense?!”

You could feel the heat in your face as you concluded with a shout. Your panting was only met with the sound of the file being slammed on the table. You’d never seen Sherlock so red in the face in embarrassment. Under other circumstances, you would have taken the consolation prize. But you didn’t do anything to apologize for the electric silence. You’d had more than enough. 

“Y/n,” John said softly, but you were already grabbing your backpack. 

“While it was refreshing to not be interrupted for once, John, I’m leaving. If you need me, reconsider,” you spat. 

You welcomed the cold night air against your skin as you walked along the tube station route. You were in no mood to sit quietly, but you fiercely moved from station to station as checkpoints, just in case you did need to hop on. 

As you walked into the building towards your destination, your phone buzzed. You quickly checked but ultimately ignored John’s text. 

_Please let me know when you’re home safe._

You sighed, turned into a hallway, and knocked on the door to the flat of the only person you wanted to see. The door swung open.

“Takeaway’s halfway here. I’m opening the wine now, and you can choose a movie if you’d like,” Molly Hooper said, forgoing any pleasantries. You hugged your best friend, letting your guard fall away, then texted John.

_I’m safe._


End file.
